Diary

c Today was a blur—I spent three hours gaming with Fei Ge. In the morning, the Emergency Management Bureau called me to ask some questions, marking the beginning of the investigation phase. In the evening, I suddenly learned that my CSC application had been approved, which immediately triggered my anxiety. So I wrote a letter to my advisor explaining my worries: letter_202506182210. What wasn’t mentioned in the letter was my reluctance to part with Huanhuan. Long-distance separation brings more pain to those in love, but it can also forge stronger support.

14:04 Checking CSC Just saw someone on Xiaohongshu say that the results for the CSC (China Scholarship Council) program in the Americas region have been released. I nervously checked immediately, but nothing yet. I’m still quite anxious—worried about the Emergency Management Bureau’s upcoming inspection, concerned that the Gui’an announcement might drop soon and schedule a physical exam, and now also stressing over the CSC results. 14:19 Can’t Stop Thinking About the War Ever since learning about the military actions between Iran and Israel, I can’t help but constantly refresh social media for updates during my free time. Maybe it’s a survival instinct, but as an individual, I can only be a bystander, which somehow deepens my anxiety. ...

I didn’t do anything today. Got up in the morning and cooked a big bowl of rice noodles. The noodles were bought yesterday, but since the weather is hot and they won’t keep for long, I decided to finish them all today. At noon, I cooked another big bowl and fried two eggs, ending up stuffed. I really should eat less in the future. In the afternoon, I still didn’t do anything. I felt a bit anxious about the CSC results, the Emergency Management Bureau results, and the Gui’an results, so I checked them over and over again. ...

This morning, my older brother called me and asked me to take my mom to the hospital for a follow-up check-up since they had something to do in Liuzhi. Coincidentally, Huanhuan also had to work overtime today. After we had breakfast, I dropped her off at her workplace, and we went our separate ways. My mom had breakfast with me, and afterward, I took her to the hospital for an ultrasound. The results were quite good—there was no further growth or enlargement. When we arrived at the doctor’s office, we could hear a patient arguing with the doctor, who was recommending surgery. ...

Perhaps it was because I had been drinking, but I had trouble falling asleep last night. Combined with the sound of people drinking outside, I barely slept at all. I woke up early in the morning, took a shower, put on my suit and dress shoes, and went downstairs with Huanhuan to have breakfast before heading to the exam site. I had thought wearing a suit might make me stand out, but when I arrived, I noticed everyone else was also dressed formally, which put me at ease. I also ran into many younger classmates, who clearly had a fresh, student-like vibe. One junior was struggling to button the top button of his shirt—it was obviously too tight. I reassured him, “It’s fine, you don’t have to button it. It might affect your performance, and the examiners won’t mind. You’ll feel better if you’re more comfortable.” ...

12:20 Taking Bus No. 5 to the Train Station This morning, I had a medical check-up arranged by the Emergency Management Bureau. First, I went to the bureau, where Section Chief Wang from the Personnel Department and another colleague accompanied me to the People’s Hospital for the examination. These two colleagues were quite strict at first but later seemed a bit tired and couldn’t keep up. After the check-up, I took the bus back by myself—they still had some things to wrap up. When I got back, I had a bowl of beef dumpling skins with some Laba garlic. It was quite tasty and not too pungent. ...

10:07 Organized Some Files The Vault folder was a bit messy, especially the Obsidian templates and project folders. Did a quick tidy-up and also added a reading log template to encourage myself to read more. 11:00 Feel pretty good Today, my body feels fine with no discomfort, which has lifted my mood quite a bit. The courier called to notify me to pick up my ID card. After retrieving it, I strolled to the market and bought rice noodles, spinach, and cilantro. I ended up cooking too much rice noodles and ate until my stomach was bulging. ...